How Do You Love?
Visuals
Visuals pay attention to what they see. Visuals know they are loved by a certain special look, by sharing experiences together and by spending time together. They will tend to associate how often you are in their company with how much you love them, and view spending time with someone else or doing something else, as a preference for that thing over them. They will talk of ‘drifting apart’, ‘not seeing eye to eye anymore’, life being ‘dull’ or ‘losing the spark’.
Appearance can be very important to them, both yours and theirs. If they spend hours making themselves look good and you don’t notice them, it’s as if they have become invisible to you. For this reason take great care if you compliment the appearance of someone else of the same sex in their presence because ‘noticing’ can mean the same as ‘fancying’. Your appearance will matter as well – if you start slobbing out as you relax in the relationship it can mean to them that you don’t care about them as much as you used to, not that you are feeling more comfortable.
Buying them presents, flowers or tickets to the theatre will earn big brownie points.
Kinaesthetics
Kinaestheics can be incredibly sensitive to the physical conditions around them, to their level of comfort, to the emotional feeling of themselves and in many case the feelings of those around them.
With love it is about how you make them feel. Often it will be linked with touch. They respond to hugs and strokes, any kind of physical expression of affection. Some Kinaesthetic men (in particular but not exclusively) use sex as an expression of love. If the frequency of sex decreases it can mean for them that the relationship is going through a ‘rough patch’. Even if many other factors are involved, such as moving house, work pressures etc…, Kinaesthetics often connect a downturn in lovemaking with the general state of the relationship. Kinaesthetic women (in particular but not exclusively) will tend to withhold sex if they are feeling unloved because it does not ‘feel right’.
Kinaesthetics tend to be either internally or externally focussed. For internal K’s how they feel is of primary importance – if they are physically discomforted it tends to dominate everything. They may complain of being too hot or too cold, often within minutes of each other. They have an incredible connection with their bodies. External K’s can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of other people around them, of bad atmospheres. They will often go to great lengths to ‘keep things running smoothly’ even at the expense of their own feelings, until they reach crisis point when they erupt.
Audio-Tonals
AT’s are about sound. Music is likely to be important to them. Some seem to need to hear their thoughts on the outside as if they are unaware of their thoughts otherwise. But this is not true of all AT’s – some can think perfectly well inside their own heads, but may not like silence much and will always prefer to be surrounded by some kind of sound so the radio or TV will always be on in the background ‘for company’.
When AT’s are in love they know how you feel about it because you tell them. They need to hear it in your voice. They can be very sensitive to voice tone, so using ‘I love you’ as a casual way to end a conversation can be disastrous. They will have a tape recording in their head of when you said it and (as far as they are concerned) meant it, and will compare every time you say it with the ‘real thing’. Quality time together means talking. If they are into music they will tend to associate particular songs with special events. Say nice things to them and make sure you sound like you mean it.
Audio-Digitals
Some people think by talking to themselves. They have a constant conversation with themselves inside their heads. AD’s sometimes have trouble sleeping because they can’t ‘switch off’ the voice at the end of the day. The downside to being AD is that they tend to think about how they feel rather than just feeling it, so forget to be ‘in the now’, can be oblivious to physical comfort/discomfort and can sometimes appear unfeeling.
AD’s need to know what you are thinking. To AD’s, ‘making sense’ is paramount, and will analyse everything. Yet they can be quite blind to your feelings if you are not openly expressing them – explain things to them.
Because the voice in their head is so dominant, they can only listen to one thing at a time, so sometimes they may not hear what you are saying.
Sometimes AD people forget that what they said in their head hasn’t actually reached their lips – sometimes they just need to learn to express what they are thinking. The internal dialogue often means they spend long periods in silence – it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong, just that they are figuring something out.